the bitter things1. three months is a long time for something to be gone she says. three months is a long time to keep the bones in my back a secret and she would be the one to find them. she says they're structured like they're beautiful and maybe they are, but it makes me sick
2. i listened to her loving me and it would only make sense that i'd listen to her love him as well. it would only make sense that it would happen like this. i think about falling asleep while he's spitting breath all over you and it's not right, it's just not right. the saddest part of it is that i'm not mad because i love you, i'm mad because it's not fair that i couldn't have it. just twenty minutes of his thick-lipped dignity falling from my ribs. i hope his breath billows through your mouth and you catch something awful. i hate both of you. i hate you i hate you i hate you
3. it is true that i found god in you. it is true that when you raise your hand and cry i cry too. it is true that i have eyes that break for what break
If Only I Had LivedI remember how I always said that I would face this moment with dignity, but it seems that noble disposition has left me now that the moment has come. My whole body shakes; not of cold or weakness, but out of fear of what is happening to me. It happened so suddenly; I never expected that a story such as mine should have such a silent and unheard end.
I remember how the memories of the people I loved and the moments with them calm me, but as I try to recall them from my mind I find that they are slowly fading. It just keeps getting harder and harder to recall their smiling faces, or the warm ambiance they brought. That truly terrifies me; that I am losing those things that are important to me. Yet, my life becomes clearer; though the details and memories I hold dear slowly disappear my whole life flashes before my eyes, just like everyone said it would. I see my countless hours spent in front of this monitor, as the world passes by outside of this room that I had shut myself in for so l
I Wish I Could Hate YouMy hand is itching,
And my gaze is ever wavering,
Back and forth,
To the cell phone right beside me.
It's 2:17 in the morning,
And the urge suddenly washed over me,
Urging me to call you.
There's hardly a chance of you picking up,
Even at a reasonable hour,
Never mind this ungodly one.
I wish I could hate you.
You're a liar and deceiver.
You've poisoned my mind, and poisoned my heart,
And almost rendered me incapable to ever love again.
You've abandoned me when I needed you most
When I needed SOMEONE
For your own selfish desires.
I know you still love me, too.
That only makes it worse.
At least if you didn't, you'd have an excuse.
But you've put yourself above everyone else.
You lying, cheating, filthy dog.
Is it any wonder that I've built walls around myself,
When there are arrogant,
Despicable people like you in the world?
Any reason why it's so hard for me to trust again?
To love again?
I'm too good for you.
I always wa
Even after existenceI too had a love, it was big, perhaps as much as it is today my pain. I also felt the charm of a scented mouth.
I can’t see you sad, because it kills me ... the essence that was the light of my soul.
Your face full of sorrow ... my sweet love ... Today I missed that nothing that was between you and me, subtle and quiet.
It hurts so much those tears that you pour out... it fills my heart with anguish ... and trying to smile, even with closed eyes, I see you perfectly.
I suffer the unimaginable if you are sad ... and it just seems natural to have your lips against mine, against my face and throat.
I do not want that doubt makes you cry. The notes of the violins impose their pace, our pace, the rhythm of your heart.
We have sworn to love us until death, and if the dead love, after death we can love us even more.
Oh ... Women that walk in front of me and never dedicate their glances at me ... So close to my eyes, so far away from my life...
And she, the special one, always smiling, l
The Family Has Been InformedBullets that are too far away to hear back home
But words that will forever ring just as loud in my ears
Delivered from the lips of a uniformed man
The sympathetic sentence any mother fears to hear
I turn away as if ignoring his presence
Will make this unwanted reality go away
But he repeats that he is sorry for my loss
Those words are the last thing I remember of that day
I find myself looking out of the back yard window
On the swings in the garden I still see my boy play
I am bringing drinks out to him and his brothers
Under the sun, on the grass, on endless summer days
Those memories like photographs in frames on the wall
Now show my son with a wife and child of his own
A husband and father torn from their loving arms
In to the mass grave-in-waiting of a war zone
His old bedroom was already a shrine to him
Even before his blood soaked deep in to the desert sands
We waited for him to return from his first tour
Knowing the boy we’d said goodbye to would come home a man
Lonely GirlThat lonely girl over there is a misfit.
She cannot do anything without
Making a mistake.
Everyone thinks she's trash
To be thrown away and
Be forgotten like trash.
Always lonely, always lonely.
Why doesn't anyone help her
from her darkness?
"I'm fine," a lie through
No one asks her how
She feels at all.
Just alone, just alone.
There's nowhere she can
Go at all to be safe.
There's nothing she can
Do to be praised for at all.
Why can't she be saved at all?
Forever alone, forever alone.
"Can I please speak no--?"
Shut up stupid girl,
Shut up stupid girl.
You're not even worth listening to!
"Why are you living?"
"Is your life worth it?"
There's nothing I can do
Without a cruel remark of my life.
Forever alone, the misfit girl is.
There's nothing she can be seen
In a good light.
Why does everyone ignore and
Continue to hurt her?
"I'm just fine," is a
Lie through clenched teeth.
Nobody praises her for anything.
Why doesn't anyone help her
To stop her crying?
Will someone ple
Looks LieI’m ugly and fat
But I can deal with that
‘Cause it means people like me for me;
Not for what they see.
The day I lost youGive me the peace of your lips.
Feed me with the colour of your eyes.
Take my hands with your heart
And heal my life from head to my feet.
Hug me that tight that I can forget my faults.
Repeat my name to remember who I am.
Paint my face with the brushstrokes of your hair
Each time you rub my lips with your mouth,
Each time you smile,
Each time you love.
Slide the sweetness of your soul
And burn my anxiety.
Give a meaning to my existence
To don't miss you 'till death
Each time you go,
Each time your image flies out of me,
out of my mind.
'Cause since you left me
I don't distinguish what is alive and what is empty
Since you went beauty is nothing, beauty is pain.
Without you this world is a bad joke,
a big frame without painting.
The day you died I hated the butterflies
And the flowers were sign of loss.
Nobody could explain 'why',
Nobody heard my voice.
Nobody understood what I did.
Nobody understood what I said.
Nobody knew how I lost my way.
You are woman. You are man.You are woman,
so be kind,
all in your own way.
You are man
so be strong,
Still HereSuicide is a
Thought that frequently lurks
In my mind, wich
Lets it overcome the
Laughter and happiness
Here I still fight, however
Enduring this sad life
Reviving my hopes
Embracing the gift of life
Night thoughtsLying on the floor
Wrapped in darkness
Dreaming about life
About the past
About the future
Thinking about happiness
And about hate
All at once
In the black pit
That is my mind
No RemedyPopping pills
Won't make the
Wrists and arms
Won't make you
Getting in bed
Make you hollow.
Drinking your weight
Won't make you
Forget the pain.
Don't you think
For one second
Will be of any help.
Not At YouAs I deal with stress and anger,
despair boiling in my veins,
I chose to purge them into words on a page.
No one is to blame.
No one is targeted-
except maybe the universe and any higher powers.
The fear and uncertainty.
When will it end?
When can I be free of such wretchedness?
How does one rip out the darkness that spreads throughout my being,
poisoning everything it touches?
Is there nothing I can do?
I am being eaten alive,
consumed from within.
When there is nothing left,
will I finally have peace?
Or will terror and sorrow reign forever,
with me trapped within?
Bleeding words across this page,
I have to wonder-
will anger and hurt turn into something like hate?
If I can't defuse the darkness within,
will I lose everything I care about?
Circumstances thwart and conspire against me.
I am so tired of the anger eating away at my mind and heart.
Am I asking for too much?
The anger and hate cause horrible headaches,
and have me so twiste
A Simple GiftWhen I see you in my dreams,
your eyes are full of wonders.
The emotions you provoke
are both beautiful and intense.
You have a magical way about you.
Even though we can go for weeks without a word,
you cannot Vanish from my world.
A single phrase in a note
and I become giddy.
I want to see you.
The physical you.
You've shown me a beautiful heart,
a certain charm I cannot resist.
will I ever get to embrace you?
Will you look into my eyes,
and see my yearning for forever?
I know that it's hard to stay in touch,
and that I can't really give you anything...
You are my Valentine,
my dearest one.
I hope that you have a wonderful day,
and that I'll cross your mind.
Maybe next year things will have changed.
Still, until the day we meet face to face,
I hope my words will be enough.
Please don't forget me,
just as I fight every day
to hold onto my memories of you.
No matter how many times I Vanish,
please be the Light waiting for me.